


On that Day, Lord Ieyasu Saved Me

by orphan_account



Category: Sengoku Basara
Genre: AU, AU starting from early adolescence, F/F, F/M, For Want of a Nail, Ieyasu soon learns that to Mitsunari 'freedom' is a threat, M/M, Mitsun is still Mitsun so still codependent, Power Imbalance, Some Fluff, aka AU from preteens more or less, aka learns not to ask Mitsun to leave him, as all my fics this won't always be chronological even in the same chapter, because he doesn't want Mitsun to die, because to Mitsun Tadakatsu is a part of Ieayasu, but maybe slightly healthier, but not all - they are still themselves after all, but to Ieyasu and partly to Tadakatsu, headcanons galore, just to another guy this time, not to Hideyoshi and Hanbei, so everyone's happy?, so lots of stuff will be different for Ieyasu and Mitsun, some angst but different than in canon, still not completely healthy, then Lord Ieyasu shan't send him away, while Mitsun learns that if he only thinks of death at the mere suggestion of being sent away
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-12 20:31:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7948003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On that day, Lord Takechiyo - back then, now Lord Ieyasu - saved him. And now he would serve his Lord, to his last breath.</p><p>His Lord almost seemed ready to send him away a few times - but Mitsunari learned.</p><p>To kill enemies less brutally and in lesser numbers if his Lord was looking. Other things as well.</p><p>Because his Lord saved him. For him, he would even deny the parts of himself that his Lord considered too brutal - well, at least when his Lord could see, so that his Lord wouldn't be upset. Because Lord Ieyasu hasn't ordered him to deny those parts of himself, and so, Mitsunari decided it's fine to only do so in his Lord's sight, and be more himself outside of it.</p><p>Even such thought was blasphemous - of course he was wholly himself at his Lord's side, what was he even thinking?<br/>____________</p><p>When his enemies or when his friends said that Ieyasu Tokugawa had picked a stray wild dog up, or a stray young wolf, he always wondered if he should even deny that. </p><p>After all, as much as he loved the samurai he found, wasn't it the truth? Earlier it seemed fine, but now...</p><p>TBC in Ch. 1: Many Were Trying to Kidnap His Lord // To Him, Does 'Enemy' Mean 'Dead'?</p><p>Updating soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Takechiyo/Ieyasu

**Prologue - Ieyasu**

 

Apparently some wolves can be domesticated. And the reason dogs even exist is because ages ago, some brave men domesticated wolves.

Brave? Ieyasu Tokugawa wonders about that, sometimes. Maybe it was accidental. Maybe some "brave" man, in ancient times, was not brave at all, only slightly kind, or slightly lonely, and fed a starving wolf pup a little.

And then, the pup followed the "brave" man. And what was the "brave" man to do, then? Kill the pup? No, and leaving it was impossible, because wherever the "brave" man went, the pup followed, it had a good nose, after all.

And so, the "brave" man had to keep the wolf pup, if there was even a shred of humanity in his heart. Or hers, who knows.

And so... Ieyasu Tokugawa no longer thought there was anything valiant or brave, in the ancient act of taming the wolf, if that had been anything like this. It only... sort of happned, to an ususpecting ancient man. Or woman. Maybe a small boy, wishing to feed a starving living being with such miserable eyes. Such vibrant miserable eyes. With an unusual colour, and hidden behind hair: on purpose, because of those villagers. Maybe they should have been punished? But back then, Ieyasu really disliked violence. Not that he liked it now. He was now starting to understand, slowly, that some part of his Mitsunari liked violence, of Mitsunari himself, and not just the man's Darkness, but... should he be glad that he was holding a part of him back? Maybe? Maybe not? How did Mitsunari feel about it?

To like violence? No, that would be ridiculous, as Mitsunari wasn't evil. At all. Therefore, maybe... he was just simply used to it?

********************

 

It was an accident that he found himself there. He only went to that small village near Omi because it was getting dark and he wanted to find a place to sleep. Maybe if he went slightly further, he would never know.

Never know that Sakichi Ishida ever existed. Or maybe, hopefully, somebody else would have saved the boy? Somebody better? Somebody who'd let the boy go free - because Takechiyo didn't know how to do so, without accidently killing him???

An accident. A sheer... accident.

He didn't regret it, even the 'not knowing how to free him from me' part, and he felt slightly ashamed of that.

Takechiyo only slightly.

 

******

Ieyasu, deeply ashamed. But still truly happy. Somehow---

 

*************

A boy roughly his age, hanging on a tree. Well, not in such a way that it would kill him, at least not quickly, Takechiyo noticed. The rope was holding the boy by his waist, after all. Still, the boy had been badly beaten and cut up in many places and... if Takechiyo knew anything about such things...

 

Seemed to be starving. Takechiyo really doubted the boy would live even a few days longer, like this. And he wasn't the only one thinking so, judging from the gathering of crows near the boy. He couldn't really reach there on his own, so he asked Tadakatsu.

And so, when the boy who had been hanging opened his eyes, Takechiyo and Tadakatsu were both at his side, sitting by him, looking at him with concern.

**ACTUALLY, TADAKATSU WAS ALSO LOOKING AT HIM WITH SOME APPREHENSION, AND YOU KNOW OF THAT, MY BRAT.**

**ANYWAY,  
** both Takechiyo and his best friend, Tadakatsu, where looking at the poor boy with some _concern,_ back then. And when the boy woke up, Takechiyo had expected fear, because, no wonder...

And so, when the boy lashed out in fear, that was fine, he had already asked Tadakatsu not to hurt the boy just because of his instincts. And that lasted maybe twenty seconds, before they boy, who looked straight into their eyes, seemed to have caught on. Understood what happened.

 

*******

 

Violent gratitude. Takechiyo hadn't, before meeting Sakichi, known that such an emotion existed, not really. And so, when the tears appeared in that half-starved boy's eyes, when the boy seemed to mutely beg of him to tell him how to repay him...

for a basic human kindness? Really?

To tell him how to show gratitude... Takechiyo was long, in that large gratitude, for a moment. With no idea what to say, so much so that he didn't even think to ask Tadakatsu for any advice.

And so, he muttered, "Uhm, follow me, alright?"

Even forgetting to add what he wanted to add: **LET'S GET YOU SOMEWHERE SAFE, WHEN YOU CAN BE HAPPY, AND NOT BEATEN OR STARVING.**

Even forgetting to add that.

And so, when the boy - Sakichi, he learned, the next day, when the boy slowly began to speak again - nodded mutely, he hadn't understood.

He hadn't heard the boy saying, so clearly, that years later in the memory of that day Ieyasu heard it, and so, he wondered how could he have been so deaf back then - and maybe, how fortunate that he had been so deaf back then, or he would've been to scared to take his Mitsunari and that would have been awful, wouldn't it? - the words, the sentences:

~~_**Yes, my Lord, I shall follow you. To my last breath. To the ends of the Earth. To all the Eight Cold Narakas and all the Eight Hot Narakas, if need be. And if... though I probably can't, with how cursed I am... but if you order me, then even to all the Heavens. Always. Because you've saved me. And because you've let me follow me - so you are my Lord. Now. And forever.** _ ~~

~~~~Back then, he didn't hear that. And even now, maybe he only knew what had been silently said in Darkness because he heard it said aloud much later on.

Much later.

And it still came as a surprise, a little - was he naive? After all, Mitsunari - well, Sakichi, then - was Mitsunari, wasn't he?

Which now explained everything.

 

*****

But back then, he didn't know who the boy was. He had not even the slightest idea that he wouldn't soon never see him again in most likelyhood. That the boy would follow him - truly. Always.

Which is a blessing, really.

He might've been terrified. He might've never said 'follow me'. Sometimes, he wishes he hadn't said it. That back then, Takechiyo hadn't said such heavy words so carelessly. Without knowing their meaning.

But he only wishes momentarily. Only for a second, because.. because, in his heart of hearts, Ieyasu Tokugawa doesn't wish to be unhappy. And he can't imagine being happy - no, can't even imagine being complete - without his Mitsunari Ishida.

**WITHOUT MITSUNARI. I SHOULD STOP THINKING 'MINE" OF HIM, HE'S NOT AN ITEM. THIS IS JUST ONE OF BAD HABITS I'VE GOT BECAUSE OF HIM, I SHOULD STOP... SOMEDAY.**

 

**********

"Sakichi, please, if you meet those villagers again, don't hurt them. They were stupid, but... I don't want you to kill them."

"Yes, Lord Takechiyo."

It was so simple. Deceptively simple. Takechiyo only grinned, happy that Sakichi wasn't as vengenful as his eyes were saying he was. Not knowing the true weight of his request. Not knowing that his request was processed as an order. Not knowing that not only Sakichi, because of said order - Sakichi and then later Mitsunari - never killed anyone from Sakichi's home village. Not even knowing how difficult it was for Sakichi to bear. Not even knowing that if said villagers ever were to attack Mitsunari, Mitsunari would just suffer anything at their hands without doing anything, anything at all, to defend himself.

Because his Lord, in his mind, had given him an order.

Not even knowing that in another life, Sakichi would have been given a Sword and would have killed all those pesky villagers.

And so, never knowing what he did. What didn't happen to the villagers thanks to his innocent request. That he saved lives so carelessly, though he would have been glad to know. Which was the case of many things, in the early days with Sakichi.

Not understanding. The utter lack of understanding... Sakichi's mind. Sakichi's heart. Sakichi's shadows of the Darkness quite impressively large, in a boy so young, as element usually didn't grow THAT quickly. Though Takechiyo didn't even know that, either.

Ignorant kindness - that was all it was, back then. In the early days.

Back then. Before everything, for Takechiyo, but after everything - in everything - apparently - for Sakichi.


	2. Prologue: Sakichi's Shadow / Mitsunari's Shadow

**Prologue**

**Mitsunari's Shadow // One Conversation with an Annoying, Haughty Time**

 

~~_**Hmm? If I was to draw my brat's Soul's shape, with a sign, on a sheet of paper? Why don't you answer first, huh? Ha ha, maybe you don't even kno-- ah, an Ouroboros? For yours? How quaint. Mine's - my boy's, you know what I mean -'s nothing like that. Hah ha ha. Yes, yes, telling you, now, fine. My brat's Soul? Don't know about You, Your Higness ha ha buaha oh sorry... don't know about you, but I'd draw my brat's Soul as a sharp, narrow, straight line, as long as if one had straightened a circle into this single straight line. Ha ha no, I'm not joking. That's the very picture of my brat - of my Mitsunari. Did You know? One runs the fastest in straight lines, without zigzagging. Or why would you think he can run so quick, otherwise? That's my brat for you! I helped him survive, when he was a tiny thing, and he was Grateful! If there's one thing You can count on that brat to be, if you were to ever** _ **feed _him, it's Grateful! Ha ha ha ha ha! That's my boy, never an ingrate! I would hate him, otherwise. And never forgive him. Oh, sometimes he's too Grateful, to beings who are not me, but it's buahahahaha, it's still an endearing flaw! What, that I criticise in others, but not in my brat? Why, have I ever said that I'm not a hypocrite? Maybe that's why my brat has been growing slightly distant from me, over the years. Ha ha ha ha he he hee, so what! I still was the first being to save him, even when he no longer remembers, now attributing that to himself. Ha ha ha!!  
_** ~~

~~**_Hm? You think he serves that Tekechiyo boy - excuse me, that Yasu boy - only because he wants some Light??? Only very partly so! Did you know? When he first met the Yasu boy, Yasu was still torn between Lightning (born of it) and Light (where did he get that one, I know not), you know? So it's not that. Don't think my boy that elemantally physical, bah. He's not only a dog. He's a human, too, and now I'm offended. Bah. Ha ha ha!!_ ** ~~

 

 ~~~~_****************************_

The Darkness had been born, as many other of its kind, in a hereditary kind of way. The ancient people knew of this hereditary kind of way, but most people in th Land of the Rising Sun of the fifteenth century didn't. And they, if they even knew of elements - and many, even of those connected to Elements, didn't - they assumed it was somehow either random or learned on purpose, chosen. What a false assumption. The mother of Sakichi was, the newborn Darkness could see in the moment of conception, also a Master of Darkness, while the father of Sakichi was either neutral, elementally, or a master of Darkness himself. It was always more difficult to tell, with the father.

If the father truly was Masatsugu Ishida, which was rather probable, then, it was the first option: he was Neutral, elementally.

Some people are. Pieces of Elements dislike such people, but the ancient men often wrote this of Neutrals:

_He who sinks in neither the currents Ice, nor Fire, nor Wind, nor Lightning, nor Earth, nor Darkness, nor Light, nor Time, nor Impression, is a man who's truer to what a man should be._

In this Shadow's opinion, the ancients were bullshitting.

And sink?! He never sank his Sakichi, he's always kept him gently afloat, trying to keep him in the moonlight, in Sakichi's early years, darkest years. Pah! Ah, but already he sank the chronology slightly, when it came to sinking. _~~**My Shadow**~~_ ~~~~was his name, the name a two-and-a-half-year-old Sakichi had given him, the first time they met not so far outside Sakichi's consciousness that the boy wouldn't be able to name him. ~~ _ **His Shadow**_~~ liked the name, and liked suddenly being a 'he' and not an 'it', so he graciously accepted it. That's when he began to think that the brat isn't so bad. That's when he began saving the brat from what was apparently called 'violence against him', a thing that didn't surprise ~~_**His Shadow**_~~ at all - why wouldn't there be violence? In Darkness, most of things were violent. So it came as no surprise, and only years later _~~**His Shadow**~~_ ~~~~began to see that maybe if Sakichi had been born somewhere else, maybe he would suffer slightly less violence, at that. How quiant.

 

******************

Sakichi didn't like to think of those days, weeks, etc. He truly didn't. Straight, narrow line? That straight, narrow line was also the border between ~~**_that time_**~~ and **~~_the time with my Lord Ieyasu_~~** ~~~~and it was obvious, to anyone with eyes or ears or any other thing humans used for perception, or should be obvious at least, in which time most of Sakichi's, and then Mitsunari's, thoughts, memories, impressions, and oaths lived. Ha, truly obvious. That's what made them slightly less intimate, though, Sakichi, and his Shadow, as time passed - seeing as during _ ** ~~that time~~**_ ~~~~they were friends, intimate friends. ~~ _ **His Shadow**_~~ missed that sometimes, if only slightly, and in those moments, resented that Light's fauxcheerful brat. Then again, if not for him, would ~~**_His Shadow_**~~ still be in this dimension, in any way or form? Probably not, as Sakichi hasn't sired anyone back then. Well, Mitsunari still hasn't sired anyone so far, and _~~**His Shadow**~~_ ~~~~would be the first being to know if he had, honestly. Heh.

It would be, to the Shadow, really offensive - pff, and he would love to be offended so, he truly would make a hell of a payback - to call him, as the ancient wisemen would, in their writings, a clone of a small particle of Mitsunari's mother's Darkness, slowly grown and expanded as the new human was growing. Truly offensive: it was, this Shadow felt, a much more complicated process than that.

****************

 

~~**_Hostile ha hostile hostile_ ** ~~

~~**_What? Uuuhhhhh, my Shadow, does this mean this person also wants to harm me for being a little Demon?_ ** ~~

~~**_Hostile hostile._ ** ~~

~~**_My Shadow, more words, more words, please! Explain more to Sakichi. Sakichi doesn't always understand if all you say is 'hostile' or 'hide'._ ** ~~

~~**_Hostile close hostile close fast._ ** ~~

~~**_Yes, yes, Sakichi will run, thank you!!_ ** ~~

 

 ~~~~*************

 

It's being years till ~~**_His Shadow_**~~ understood that the name would be unforgivable for him, if he was an adult piece of Darkness when he had first heard it from his Master's deep parts of mind. Because, now he understood: back then, little Sakichi mistook ~~_**His Shadow,**_~~ a fine specimen of Darkness, for a mundane shadow of his, on the ground.

However, ~~_**His Shadow**_~~ was now too used - ha - to the impertinent name, and fancied it too much, to even feel disgraced! Or vengenful, about said name!

~~_**What a joke. Maybe I'm less dark than 'mother'- the brat's fault, certainly.** _ ~~

**********************

 

_~~**Moonlight? Oh, that's what you don't understand? Right. Ha ha ha, didn't know Times could be dense. While being so haughty. See, it's true what the ancient - bleeeeehhhhhhhhh ha ha ha - said, that the Darkness does perform best in symbiosis with Light. And there was a small amount of Lightborns, in that village, a truly small amount, and their Lights weren't even strong! So in my slight desperation I made Sakichi feed on the moonlight, for our temporary survival. Maybe I messed him up in the head a bit, with that? Because... hah ha ha ha!! Because breastfed on the moonlight, he began to long to feed on the sunlight, soon enough, and Shadowborns aren't able to do that, directly, they need some bond at least with some Lightborn guy or gal to be able to do that. Ha! So, confessing my guilt, there, but it was for our survival, so - buahahahaahaha - not guilty there, therefore, anyway!!** ~~ _

 

 ~~~~ ~~~~************

~~_**Temple temple. Today plan.** _ ~~

~~~~~~_**Father wants to try and get me exor...eksorgi.... freed of Curse again, today?  
** _ ~~

~~_**Stupid.** _ ~~

~~_**Really? But who? Sakichi? Uhm, I mean... Me?** _ ~~

~~_**No, stupid.** _ ~~

~~_**Father? Father isn't stupid, Sakichi's Shadow. Don't speak like that about Sakichi's venerable Father!! Father... father just doesn't want to be a father of a demon, anymore, he wants to be a father of 2 human boys, not one human and one Cursed!!! If Sakichi's Shadow ever offends the venerable Father again, Sakichi shan't be---- uhm!!----shan't be Friends with my Shadow no more again!!!** _ ~~

~~_**Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.** _ ~~

~~_**Who stupid?** _ ~~

~~_**Sakichi.** _ ~~

~~_**FIne!! Sakichi is stupid, so what. Everybody knows Sakichi's stupid, Sakichi knows. Stupid and a demon child. Fine!! F...F... Fine....!!** _ ~~

~~_**Sakichi crying?** _ ~~

~~_**Sakichi not! Not Crying!! Shut up, shut up, shut up!!** _ ~~

~~_**Fine! Shadow shut up. For today only. Ha ha!** _ ~~

~~_**Ha ha? What that?** _ ~~

~~_**Laugh.** _ ~~

~~_**Sakichi doesn't know.** _ ~~

~~_**Sakichi try. ha. Buaha.** _ ~~

~~_**Ha. Ha. Ha.** _ ~~

~~_**Not like that. That hollow. Stupid Sakichi.** _ ~~

 

***********

And whose bright idea in that village of fools it was, anyway, that just because a brat had an unusual haircolour and eyecolour, then he was supposedly a demon child, or posessed an cursed by demons or some other evil spirits, that would 'begone', if one only took him to the temple once a week, and beat him up and cut him up a few times a week, and starved him five times a week? And only let him drink once every three days? Whose? _~~**His Shadow**~~_ ~~~~had no bloody idea whose. He had checked, out of curiosity, whether Sakichi was a demon or a devil or any other evil spirit or monster, or truly marked by one. His inspection was - ha ha - completely thorough. And what an utter disappointment! Sakichi was dully, boringly, achingly human, through and through. What a joke!!

 

***********

 

_~~**Nonetheless, the Brat didn't believe me when I told him that result. Me, his only Friend, back then!!! I'll never forgive my brat for disbelieving me then. That's why I'll never again deny his thoughts when he thinks himself a demon. That's my revenge, you stupid Time. You're a Time - you wouldn't understand revenges because they are timed, not Timeless like you. Ha!** ~~ _

 

 ~~~~ ~~~~**************

~~**_Sakichi, there was a draught, so why in the Eight Hells are you still in this village! They will kill you for it!!_ ** ~~

~~**_Did... Did Sakichi... is Sakichi guilty??_ ** ~~

~~**_Sakichi is stupid and Sakichi should run, now!!! Run!!! That's one thing you're good at, because - buahahahahahaha - you're a disaster when it comes to hiding. Run, Sakichi, and do it NOW!!! That's an ORDER!!! To save your stupid hide and my stupid hide! Order order!!!_ ** ~~

~~**_Y-yes yes yes!! Yes my Shadow, sir!!!_ ** ~~

 

 ~~~~***********

_~~**And then there was a tree, for nine days while I was there, in this Dimension, and I think a few days while I wasn't, because staying would only help deteriorate the brat more quickly, in the state he was in, so I got - blergh - all merciful on him or something, blergh, while there were Crows taunting him and all such. No, I don't mean human, I mean real birds. Ha thch those hyenas. Crows. They're hyenas to me. And so, I left for a few days, though that was painful to me, as it was the first - ha ha ha yea I was quite green - the first time I left human Dimension in the time of my Existence. But I didn't want to quicken my brat's death and... It's a... it's not a well known fact, but if a human is currently in the process of detoriorating - of dying, they do call it - then, if he has his Fire or his Light or his Lightning, his life can legthen, slightly, painfully so. However, if he's instead the Master of an Ice, an Impression, a Time, or a Darkness, his remaining detoriorating so called life can even be cut in half, painfully. And I did take a fancy to my awful brat. Some Shadows don't take fancy to their infuriating masters, and wouldn't grant them such mercy of temporarily leaving them at the high cost to Shadows' own sanity - ha ha ha ah ha, only temporal cost, don't look at me like that ha ha ha ha ha buahhahhahahhhhhahhaha ha ha - but I HAD!!** ~~ _

 

 ~~~~ ~~~~**************

~~_**Waking up. I can feel my brat waking up. Back ha ha ha ha ha ha buaha ha ha ha ha , I can go back!! Back , back, back!! I'm never coming here again, it's not to my liking!! Buaha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Back, back , back, back to my annoying Sakichi, back, back, back!!!** _ ~~

 

 ~~~~***********

~~_**Who's that Light brat? Why are you looking at him as if he was - buahahahaha - a - ha ha ha ha ha ha - a god or something, my - ha - Sakichi?? Why?** _ ~~

~~_**Because he's saved Sakichi. He said 'follow me'. So Sakichi will follow him. His Lord. His Lord. His Lord!! His Stable Ground. Sakichi's Stable Ground! Sakichi's Lord!! Forever!!!** _ ~~

~~_**Mhm, ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm not exactly surprised. Sakichi, you always preferred a Stable Ground, so you could run faster, and in as straight run, and through stable shadows. Your Lordship, huh?? Ha ha ha ha ha buaha ha!! Fine by me! He doesn't look half-bad to feed on, though his Light isn't very strong, right now.** _ ~~

~~_**Sakichi's Lord.** _ ~~

~~_**Yes yes yes, ha ha, already heard that. Careful that you don't become a broken record.** _ ~~

~~_**Sakichi's Lord, you see, Shadow??? Sakichi's one and only Lord!! Lord Takechiyo!** _ ~~

~~_**What did I say about broken records?** _ ~~

~~_**Lord Takechiyo!!** _ ~~

~~_**Yes, yes, who's that Lightning giant over there with him.** _ ~~

~~_**Lord Tadakatsu!** _ ~~

~~_**That's nice, ha ha ha ha, wake me up when something happens.** _ ~~

 

 ~~~~**********

_~~**And you know the rest of the story already, stupid haughty Time. Goodnight. The moon shines neatly today, so - ha ha ha ha buah aha  ha ha - I intend to be sightseeing the moon now, instead of talking to the likes of You. Goodnight.** ~~ _

 


	3. Interlude: Doubts

**Interlude**

**Doubts**

 

Sometimes, Takechiyo wondered. And still, sometimes, Ieyasu wonders.

Mitsunari says he believes in bonds. Mitsunari says he believes in the peaceful Land of the Rising Sun that Ieyasu's envisioning. Mitsunari even promised not to kill himself if Ieyasu dies, after Ieyasu asked him to promise.

Mitsunari says many things, and it's not that Ieyasu disbelieves, because truly, Mitsunari is an honest boy, like no one else-- Boy? When did he start thinking of him as younger, when they seem to be the same age, more or less? Why does he always... in his own mind, at least--

**WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PRETEND TO BE OLDER THAN HIM? WELL, IS IT NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE HIS ONE AND ONLY LORD?**

**AM I, NOW?**

**HE ALWAYS SAYS SO. WHO ARE YOU TO DENY HIM? THAT'S WHAT HE CHOSE, HIMSELF.**

**AND I HAVE NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER?**

**MHM, YOU DO, YOU COULD KILL HIM. WITH HOW HE IS, THERE ARE NO OTHER CHOICES.**

**AND IF I WERE TO SEND HIM AWAY?**

**SUNS CANNOT SEND DARKNESSES AWAY. THEY ATTRACT THEM. LEARN PHYSICS, BOY.**

 

The sole point being... sometimes, he had doubts. Of course Mitsunari believed in everything that Ieyasu believed in-----

which was precisely the problem.

 

***************

In other words, if Ieyasu were to stop believing in peace, so would Mitsunari. And that was a terrifying thought, and a terrifying responsibility.

 

*************************

There's an old saying, in some far away country, it seems. Ieyasu had heard it once, long, long ago. Or maybe he hadn't. Maybe his Light had, and told him of the saying, when it came to mind.

 

_Man tamed a wolf for a companionship, but erstwhile, so that the wolf would not eat his winter supplies._

 

_*************_

And so, sometimes he has doubts. But if not himself, who should've found Mitsunari? Certainly not Oda Nobunaga or Hideyoshi Toyotomi or Matsunaga Hisahide, that would have been a disaster! Who, then? Kenshin Uesugi? Shingen Takeda? Date Masamune?

Shogun Mikado?

 

**IF YOU'RE TIRED OF KEEPING HIM ON THE LEASH, BOY, JUST KILL HIM. YOU KNOW THAT IT'S EASY FOR YOU, IT'S ENOUGH TO TELL HIM TO DO SO.**

**BUT I WANT HIM TO LIVE.**

**TOUGH BREAK, THEN. THEN THE LEASH IS YOURS, ALWAYS.**

 

*********

****************

"Tadakatsu, you've never told me tet, what do you think about Sakichi?"

////((((......!.......?...........$##@~~~~<<.....>>>>//////???

"If I'm tired? Why would he tire me? I think it's the other way around. He... he's a little strange. He takes my every slightest request, my every smallest complaint... to be some order of a great magnitude. Sometimes, I'm a bit scared, frankly. Scared of what I may do, through him, if I'm ever careless. It's a --- big responsibility, suddenly. It's reminded me of when I found you--- oh, not that you're anything like Sakichi, Tadakatsu, so please don't think I... I don't even know what I'm saying, anymore."

.........<<<<<<<<<??????<<<<<<!!~~~~^^^^(((())))))

"No, it's not like that! I just... I think I pity him, a bit. And I think he'd be angry about that? I just don't know anymore, Tadakatsu. It's been four weeks since we've found him, but it's already as if--- as if it's certain that he won't leave me, till my last breath. Is that--- alright?"

,,,,,,/////(((___^^^^,,,,,!...........////////////??!!-------,,,,,,<<<</////

"Uhm, yes, so... it's fine, then. Thank you, Tadakatsu! Alright, I'll tell him. If that's alright?"

>?

"I'm sure!"

 

*******

He remembered having doubts since the beginning. Though he had quelled them with Tadakatsu's help.

But was truly alright?

 

***********

Sometimes, he has doubts. For Mitsunari Ishida, maybe it would have been better to have been found by Shingen Takeda or Kenshin Uesugi, but that's just not what happened.

That's all.

Just an accident, not Ieyasu's fault.

 

**************

(And if Ieyasu ever found anything that could be used to change the past, he'd have destroyed it in an instant, so that nobody could change the fact that he was the one who saved the boy, he, and so, he had a right to be with Mitsunari Ishida!)

 

********

Sometimes, he had doubts. And then he doubted whether that was an honest thought, or whether he was just trying to justify himself: because was it truly fine to own another human being so completely, even if nobody called it that? Even if nobody admitted that aloud?

 

*********

On the other hand, Mitsunari Ishida, while he's a good boy, he's... utterly selfish. If he didn't want to be Ieyasu's, he wouldn't have been Ieyasu's. And so, that's....

 

**A GOOD, CONVENIENT EXCUSE?**

**DON'T PUT WORDS IN MY MIND, THAT'S NOT WHAT I ~~ _MEANT!_~~**

**BUT IT IS WHAT YOU THOUGHT, UNCONSCIOUSLY. AND CONGRATULATIONS ON BEGINNING TO LEARN THE LANGUAGE OF DARKNESS, GOOD FOR YOU.**

**WHY?**

**BECAUSE SOMEDAY, MAYBE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THAT WOLF CUB'S THOUGHTS.**

**I...**

**YOU DON'T WANT TO? THEY SCARE YOU?**

**THAT'S NOT WHAT I'VE SAID.**

**BUT IT IS WHAT YOU WERE THINKING.**

 

***********

Sometimes, Ieyasu wondered. Was he truly the best Lord for Mitsunari? But if not, who should it be?

He decided not to try sending Mitsunari away before finding an answer to that question.

 

*******

Sometimes, Ieyasu wondered. Because at times, he almost felt as if Mitsunari **WORSHIPPED** him, worshipped the very ground he walked on. Or slept even one night on, for that matter, when they were travelling outside Mikawa. And that, more than anything, whenever he had such an impression, filled him with doubts he couldn't even put into words. He wasn't certain there even were words for this, in any language.

 

**********

If he impressed Mitsunari somehow, did that mean he was not as weak as he thought? Or was something wrong with Mitsunari? Or did Mitsunari see somebody else, somebody who was not real, and someday, he would shatter that illusion: and what then?

 

No, he wasn't afraid of Mitsunari. But for him, perhaps? Mitsunari seemed to desperately **NEED SOMETHING,** and he seemed to have found it... in Ieyasu? With Ieyasu?

 

*******

Takechiyo noticed that. However, if somebody had asked Takechiyo what that 'something' that Sakichi found was, he wouldn't have been able to answer.  And so, he wondered. Because there was something very impressive and brilliant that Sakichi seemed to see, so why couldn't he see it? If it was connected to both of them, somehow, then shouldn't he see it?


	4. Another Interlude: Apology Not Accepted

**Another Short Interlude: Apology Not Accepted**

  
In hindsight, Ieyasu Tokugawa really should have seen this coming. He knew that now, felt it painfully in his very soul, looking at his barely alive Mitsunari, wondering if the man would survive. Knowing that it should've been him, not Mitsunari, lying here now in the doctor's tent. Knowing that if Mitsunari died, he would truly do so in Ieyasu's stead, just as he always wanted. Just as Ieyasu never wished to happen.

Was he a hypocrite?

After all, _that man_ felt the same. Didn't he?

Takenaka. Hanbei Takenaka. His feelings for Hideyoshi Toyotomi were surely no less real than Ieyasu's own feeling towards Mitsunari, towards Tadakatsu, towards Sakai... wasn't that true?

And so, now, Mitsunari was lying here half-alive, and if he wouldn't pull through, Hanbei Takenaka wasn't even to blame, or Mitsunari's rashness, no, the one to with this blood on his hands was... was truly only Ieyasu, here, and so---

Because he was a fool. Like a damn _fool,_ he had wanted to **APOLOGISE. TO SHOW... COMPASSION,** to someone to whom he had no right to do so.

He had been a fool, and if his foolishness lost him one of his two most most precious, most faithful, then he---

 

*************************************

That day, yesterday, the day it, according to his Mitsunari, at least, as Ieyasu's barely noticed, rained, he wasn't planning on killing Hanbei Takenaka. He respected the man and his strategies and while he had understood that surely he was causing the man a great harm by killing Hideyoshi Toyotomi - which had to be done, for the sake of many, many innocent people - while he understood that, he still wanted to---

Apologise? Looking back at it, that sounded like a joke. A bad joke.

But back then... had he truly been that naive? That naive, even though it had been only yesterday? Had he been a child yesterday, and only now... not anymore?

Or had it been pity? Hanbei Takenaka had looked slightly ill, when Ieyasu Tokugawa came to his tent. And so, Ieyasu tried to apologise and reconcile, when---

How was he to know that a barely-conscious or half-asleep - either of these, he still wasn't sure - could move as quickly, as fast, as dangerously as Ieyasu's own general, Mitsunari, moved in the heat of the battle? Just... how? And so, there was no way for him to be quick enough to avoid the hit of that whip attached to Takenaka's sword. And then he tried to move, because he could see in Takenaka's eyes that the second hit was coming in a split millisecond, and the third one, and then as many as could fit Takenaka's lifeforce till draining it completely. Ieyasu could see that, suddenly very clearly, as somehow, he felt as if he was not only seeing a so-familiar looking but slightly different, as if not whole, but made of sewn-together pieces, violet aura around Takenaka, but also hearing a familiar language, a - as Mitsunari called it - the language of true Shadows, and so, Ieyasu moved out of the way of Hanbei's second move, and third, and fourth, but he had no time to think, and when he saw the fifth coming, he had no time even to block, because he couldn't move as fast as Hanbei Takenaka, or as fast as Mitsunari, and so---

Suddenly, he felt something in his own shadow, and he screamt _Don't! I forbid you!_ or only wanted to scream it, as there was no time, because suddenly, Mitsunari was standing in front of him, receiving all the hits in his stead, until, after few seconds, of few minutes, or few ages, Takenaka Hanbei collapsed to the ground, suddenly and heavily, with a thud, as if he was suddenly made of wood, not flesh and blood, and passed out, blood in the corners of his mouth, his breaths quick and sharp, and then very quiet, but Ieyasu had no time to see whether they were quiet now, or no longer present at all. Because in his arms, Mitsunari's bleeding, too heavy for it to be alright, and Mitsunari's breathing, shallow now, terrified him so much that he screamed and screamed and then, he must have passed out, though he didn't know why---

************

"What were you thinking, Mitsunari? What were you thinking?! I can't lose you... not like this... Not when it's my own fault."

*****************

He suddenly remembered something. It was so long ago, and seemed so trite and unimportant, at the time, but... maybe it wasn't unimportant? Maybe it was the very real feeling, similar to what he was feeling now - and he had laughed it off, like an unimportant, funny trinket?

Mitsunari's feeling... he should've respected it more. Because it was something akin to what Ieyasu was feeling now, wasn't it?

Wasn't it?

**************************

_I died yesterday, Takechiyo-sama._

_Why would you say it, Sakichi? Don't be so melodramatic, please. Alright? You're alive, and so am I._

_Yes, I'm alive now, Takechiyo-sama. Because you are. But I had died yesterday._

_Why would you even say it? You only knew that I had been kidnapped for, what, ten minutes? Between your waking up and Tadakatsu coming back with me. Tadakatsu'd always save me, so don't you worry! Okay?_

_Yes, Takechiyo-sama. But I would even say it because_ ~~**I had died yesterday.** ~~

Takechiyo laughed, a little nervously, and squeezed Mitsunari's hand, the way Mitsunari, he's come to learn, liked very much, because it let him feel quite completely that Takechiyo was there, present, alive, and healthy, and not kidnapped.

********************

Wasn't it? He had no right to laugh.

And he, as Hanbei Takenaka just taught him yesterday, had no right to smile right now, whether Mitsunari lived or died.

But Mitsunari would live, wouldn't he? He's always been so strong.

**MAYHAPS IT WOULD HELP IF YOU WOULD ORDER HIM TO.**

Ieyasu made a face, considering if there was any point in telling his own Light to **PISS OFF.**

 

~~ ********** ~~

_~~**I know you. You're one of Tokugawa's most trusted. If I take you in time, I can take him, and if not, then by killing you, I can at least make him suffer greatly. Because he... because---- Hideyoshi-------------Hideyoshi--------he---because of him------------Hideyoshi---------Hide---yoshi-----!!! Because Tokuga--wa---he---** ~~ _

_~~**That's true, though the boy, if he would focus enough to speak, now, would tell you that something as small as his death wouldn't make his 'great Shining Lord' suffer greatly.** ~~ _

_~~**The-----boy------------------would be-----------------------wrong----------------------------------------------------------------and--------------------------------------------------you---know-----------that----as-----------------------well-----** ~~ _

 

 

 

*********************

 

 

Had he had even any right, to try to apologise? Probably not really, and so-

Fool.

Fools, both of them, weren't they?

Weren't they? And so, he laughed, though maybe he sobbed, he wasn't quite sure.


End file.
